


You Don't Have To Be Alone Anymore

by maschinenmensch



Series: i'll take you out and up in light [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, Erin tries to be a mom, F/F, Holtz is sick, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, these poor confused gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:57:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8122561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maschinenmensch/pseuds/maschinenmensch
Summary: When Holtzmann gets sick, Erin volunteers to take care of her. She gets way more than she bargained for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here's fan fiction number two for me. It's a multi-chapter fic this time, so we'll see how this goes. I've got chapter two in the pipeline, and hopefully two more afterward in somewhat quick fashion.

Punctual as always, Erin Gilbert walked into the Ghostbusters’ Firehouse HQ at exactly 8am. Impeccably dressed in one of her tweed skirt/blazer combos, her heels clacked loudly on the concrete floor. It was unusually quiet.

_ That’s odd, _ Erin mused as she put her coffee cup down on Kevin’s reception desk. Normally Erin would walk into the firehouse greeted by the sound of drilling, hammering, high frequency noises or occasionally, all three, courtesy of one Dr. Jillian Holtzmann.

Erin was never quite sure if Holtz got to the firehouse before her, or simply never went home from the night previous. Holtz almost always was the last to leave, still puttering around in her second floor lab. Erin suspected many nights she stayed over and slept on the beat up sofa that Holtzmann had stuck in the corner of her lab.

_ Maybe she actually did go home last night  _ \- Holtz had complained of a headache yesterday afternoon. Erin had suggested she take some Excedrin to which Holtz wagged her eyebrows and asked for a temple massage instead causing Erin to blush, much to her chagrin. Holtzmann had spent the rest of the afternoon tinkering somewhat quietly (for her anyway) with one of the proton packs, only giving Erin a wan smirk when she left for the day. 

“HOLTZ,” Erin bellowed, walking up the stairs. “ARE YOU HERE?” Silence greeted Erin as she walked through the lab, and noted Holtz was nowhere to be found amongst the many contraptions and equipment that littered her lab. Erin was about to go back downstairs, when she heard a small grunt from the couch.

At first glance, it looked as if a pile of blankets had been thrown on the couch, but upon closer inspection, Erin noticed a tuft of blond curls poking out from under them. “Holtz?” Erin asked as she kneeled near one of the arms of the couch. “Are you ok?”

“Don’t feel too good,” Holtz mumbled as she turned over and Erin noticed immediately that Holtzmann was abnormally pale and touched the back of her hand to her forehead.

“Oh my god Holtz, you’re burning up,” Erin exclaimed as she attempted to get Holtz up into a sitting position. At that moment Holtz opened her eyes for the first time and drawled, “Am I dead, because I think you’re an angel” making Erin turn beet red, despite herself. Erin noted Holtzmann was only wearing one of her loose fitting t-shirts (with the words “Engineers Do It With Precision” scrawled on the front), boxers and just one sock.  _ Where’d the other sock go? Oh nevermind. _

Erin gently put one of Holtz’ arms around her shoulder. “C’mon, we need to get you downstairs.” Erin stood up and realized Holtz was basically dead weight, too exhausted to walk with her. She managed to get about six feet away from the couch until Holtz unceremoniously plopped herself down on the floor, sitting cross legged with her head in her hands. “Nope, gonna die now. Give my body to science. You’re welcome to my t-shirt collection though Gilbert.” Holtz proceed to softly moan as she rocked back and forth. 

Erin looked at Holtz with both exasperation and genuine concern. Holtz never got sick, hell, she’d survived countless explosions and lab mishaps with barely a complaint. Seeing her like this, in obvious agony, made Erin slightly sick to her stomach. 

“ERIN?! ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?” Erin sighed in relief hearing Abby bellow from the first floor. “Abby, I need your help up here please!” There was the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps coming up the stairs and Erin could hear Abby muttering, “Goddammit Holtz, I hope  you didn’t set the drapes on fire again.”

Abby abruptly stopped at the top of the stairs, seeing Holtzmann in a small heap of the floor groaning, with Erin hovering over her looking slightly frantic. “Holtzmann? Erin? What’s going on?”

“Abs, pass me a blanket, I’m freezing. It’s March why did you put on the A/C?” Holtz grunted and proceeded to curl up in the fetal position.

“She’s sick. It’s probably the flu, she was complaining about a headache yesterday. Help me get her downstairs, ok?” Erin was wringing her hands, mostly out of concern for Holtzmann, but also was distracted by the fact that Holtz’s shirt had ridden up when she laid on the floor, so that she could almost see her…

“You take one arm, and I’ll grab the other. Ok, upsy-daisy Holtzy.” Abby and Erin struggled to get Holtzmann upright.  _ How can someone who looks so tiny be so heavy? Must be all those muscles from carrying things… _

“ERIN! Concentrate, I’m holding up the deadweight here.” Erin shook her head and wrapped Holtz’s left arm around her shoulder. Abby and Erin slowly walked towards the stairs, basically dragging Holtzmann with them. As they descended the staircase, Holtz lifted up her head slightly and mumbled “I’ve always dreamed of having two gorgeous women carrying me everywhere”

“Shut up Holtz. Jesus, you’re heavy. What are in those Pringles you eat? Lead?” Abby grunted. Erin tried to help out by using her right hand to hold Holtz steady around her waist, but ended up having it slide under Holtzmann’s shirt, settling across her bare stomach.  _ Oh no no no, this is so Bad News Bears.  _

The three women had made it to the bottom of the stairs, when they saw Patty standing a few feet away from them, staring at them incredulously. “Oh no it is too early for this. Holtzy, if this is because you broke into my cabinet with the good liquor last night, I’m gonna beat your skinny ass.”

“I can hold my liquor Patty-Cakes. Unfortunately I think I caught a touch of the plague. Avenge me!” Holtzmann punctuated her last statement by throwing one of her arms up in the air, throwing Abby off balance so she ungracefully fell flat on her ass. Erin screamed as she started to lose her grip on Holtz, but thankfully Patty was able to step in before the three of them ended up in a heap. Somehow, they all managed to get Holtzmann onto the couch in the reception area, where she proceeded to curl back up into the fetal position. 

“Just leave me here. You can have clients sit on me. I don’t mind.” Holtzmann grabbed one of the cushions off the couch and covered her head with it.

“Ugh, I was not expecting a workout this morning. I think I may need to shower.” Abby grabbed a book off one of the nearby desks, and began fanning herself.

“Man, sick people are bad enough. Sick people who can’t handle being sick? The worst. Did she stay here all night?” Patty asked Erin.

“I think so. She was basically passed out when I got in.” Erin scrunched her nose in concern as Holtzmann let loose a string of sneezes from underneath her couch cushion. “She can’t stay here, she needs to rest.”

“The hell she can’t, she’s going to infect this place with all her germs and I cannot get sick right now. I’ve got family coming up to visit this weekend and they will drag my butt around the city even if I’m on my deathbed.” Patty looked back at Holtz who groaned and then belched, and shook her head.

“I’ll take her to my place,” Erin said quietly. “I live the closest to here - it’s just a short cab ride.”

Abby shot Erin a concerned look. “You sure Erin? She can crash at my place, I don’t mind”

“No it’s fine. I’ve got some reading I need to do anyway. I should be able to keep busy while keeping an eye on her for awhile.”

At that moment, Kevin burst through the doors, a broad smile on his face. “Good morning, co-workers!” He stopped, befuddled at the fact that Abby, Erin and Patty were all standing in the middle of the reception area, and Holtzmann was half buried in the couch. “Tsk, Tsk. Take it from the expert Holtz - if you’re going to play hide and seek with us, you need a better hiding place than that.”

Holtzmann responded by throwing a middle finger up in the air. 

“Holtzmann!” Erin chatsized. “All right, Kevin - can you call a cab? I’m taking Holtzmann home with me.”

Kevin cocked his head to one side, like a puppy who had just heard its first dog whistle. “Ok, Erin. But aren’t you supposed to take Holtzmann home with you at night so you can sleep together?”

Erin heard Abby cough loudly followed by Patty trying hard not to laugh, but not succeeding. She covered her face with her hands, hoping Holtzmann had not just heard that and no one noticed the extreme shade of red her face was turning.

“Kevin. Just call a damn cab.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments/suggestions are most welcome as I have no idea what I'm doing, lol. I'm such trash for this ship.
> 
> My tumblr name is geekmisconduct if you're so inclined *bows*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone's nice comments so far - they fill me up with joy (or something). I might be getting the hang of this - I think. Anyway, hopefully I'll have the next chapter up before the end of the week!

Normally a cab ride from the firehouse to Erin’s apartment would take no more than 15 minutes. But in rush hour traffic, they had moved less than two miles in a half hour.

Erin glanced over at Holtzmann sitting in the backseat next to her. Her head was thrown back against the seat, snoring quietly, her arms crossed in front of her chest. Erin tried not to think about how herself, Abby and Patty had to get Holtzmann dressed before getting into the taxi. Patty lifted her up while Erin pulled up a pair of Holtz’s well-worn overalls over her legs, willing her hands not to shake as she snapped the clasps. As she finished with the second one, Holtz’s head had fallen slightly forward just inches from her own face. Holtz had cracked open one eye, licked her lips and half-smirked at her.

Erin was snapped out of her reverie by Holtzmann coughing so violently she doubled over.

“If you barf in this cab, I’m throwing your asses out!” bellowed the cab driver from the front seat.

Erin ignored him. She lightly rubbed Holtzmann’s back and spoke softly near her ear. “Holtzmann? Holtzy? You ok?”

Holtz looked up at Erin, barely seeing through the mop of blonde curls that was strewn all about her head. “This sucks Gilbert. Worse than a pay toilet.”

Erin nodded sympathetically and leaned back into the seat, gently pulling Holtzmann with her. Holtz responded by resting her head on her shoulder. Erin absentmindedly played with Holtzmann’s hair as the cab slowly moved along.

 _Oh geez, this cab ride will never end._  

\--

Erin had no idea how they made it up the flight of stairs to her apartment. The 45 minute nap Holtzmann took in the cab seemed to give her a slight burst of energy, but as soon as she got into Erin’s apartment, she inelegantly plopped face first onto the living room couch.

Erin winced. “Holtzmann c’mon, you can pass out in my bed instead.” All Erin heard was Holtz mumble in response.

“What was that? I can’t hear you when you’re sucking face with my upholstery.”

Holtzmann weakly turned her head to the side, “I said, this wasn’t how I imagined getting in your bed for the first time. And I’d make a crack about your ‘sucking face’ line, but I think my brain is slowly oozing out of my ears.”

Erin took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. _This woman will be on her deathbed and still find the time to flirt with someone._

“Sit up. I’m going to take your boots off before you trape god knows what on my carpets. 

Holtz grunted as she slowly pulled herself in a sitting position. Erin knelt by her feet, pulling off the worn pair of combat boots that Abby had hastily put on her before they left HQ. Erin noted that Holtzmann was still only wearing one sock.

“All right Holtz, the bedroom is the last door at the end of the hallway. Go ahead and get in bed. I’ll check in on you in a second.”

Holtzmann made an appreciative sound, and shuffled off to Erin’s bedroom. _She must feel like shit, I left myself wide open there._

Erin sighed and filled a glass of water, stopping quickly in her bathroom before heading to the bedroom.

“I’ll get some medicine for you in a bit, just down these Ibuprofen before you pass out ok?” Erin saw Holtzmann’s lone sock and boxers amongst her other clothing on the floor of her bedroom, meaning she was only clad in her t-shirt under the covers of her bed. _Get your shit together Gilbert…_

Holtz managed to lift her head up enough to take a sip of water and swallow the pills Erin had given her. “Thanks, sweet cheeks. You’re swell.” Holtz’s head fell back into the pillow and she proceeded to snore less than 30 seconds later.

Erin watched Holtzmann for a few minutes. Her hair had mostly fallen out of the messy bun she usually wore and was fanned out in a curly, tangled mess on the pillow. Her mouth was slightly open, and she gripped the edge of Erin’s duvet as if someone was threatening to yank it off the bed. 

She sighed, and closed the door quietly behind her before leaving.

\--

Erin had grabbed a pair of sweatpants and long-sleeved t-shirt out of the basket of clean laundry she had stashed in the living room and changed out of her usual Monday matching skirt/blazer combo (no tiny bow tie today). She had recently realized that as professional as she looked going into HQ on Mondays, by Fridays she usually dressed down in jeans and sneakers. _Someone is a bad influence on me_ , she smirked.

She grabbed her laptop and sat on her living room couch, thankful that Holtz had managed not to drool on it earlier. She quickly found her bookmark for the home grocery delivery service she used on occasion. Erin spent the next few minutes filling up her virtual cart with cans of soup (chicken alphabet, which was Holtz’s favorite), saltines, Sunny Delight (another Holtzmann fave) and several types of flu/cold medicines. After completing the order, Erin closed her laptop and stared blankly into space.

_When the hell did I start wishing Holtzmann would stop flirting and act on her words instead?_

Erin had pondered it over the last several weeks, and determined her feelings for Holtz and started shifting the night they had all gone to the local bar shortly after the Rowan incident. When Holtzmann stood up and gave her endearing yet awkward toast, Erin had noted she had looked directly at her when she said she loved them. After that, whenever Holtzmann would look at her from across the lab, she’d get a tingly feeling in her stomach. It scared her shitless whenever they were on a bust, as Holtz would be recklessly being her kickass self, with little regard for her own safety. Holtz would occasionally brush her hand against Erin’s back when she’d need to get by her at HQ, and Erin’s breath would catch in her throat. And there was the one night several weeks back they had all stayed late to watch trashy movies after a long week of busting, and Erin and Holtzmann had ended up on the couch next to one another. Halfway through the second movie (some awful horror flick that Patty had picked out), Erin had jumped when a vampire had materialized out from behind a building. Holtzmann had grabbed her hand to comfort her, and they spent the rest of the evening holding hands, Erin with her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder and Holtz’s arm wrapped around her back. They had never talked about it.

“Shit or get off the pot Gilbert,” Abby had said to her last week, when the two of them were alone on the first floor.

“What? That’s gross Abby, I don’t know what you’re talking-”

“Erin. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you’ve been looking at Holtzmann lately. I know you. The last time I saw you have googly eyes that often is when we had that third-year grad student TA-ing our freshman physics class in college. What was her name, Lana, Lori...:”

“It was Laura, and I was not making googly eyes. She was just brilliant, and well-spoken, and pretty and...” Erin stopped abruptly, and sighed loudly.

“Look. I know you haven’t had the best of luck with relationships. Neither of us have. But Holtzmann is a good egg, and trust me, she’s had a thing for you since ‘Come here often.’ But she’ll never make a move on you. She thinks you’re hopelessly straight and not interested.”

At that moment Holtzmann slid down the firepole, goggles on, hair askew, with her headphones on and proceeded to dance towards the refrigerator.

Erin gaped. “Jesus, Abby. I’ve got it bad. I don’t know what to do.”

Erin’s buzzer ringing snapped her out of her woolgathering. The delivery person had arrived with her grocery order. Erin buzzed them in, gave them a tip and put the box on her kitchen counter. She grabbed the flu medicine out of the box, refilled the water glass from earlier and headed back to her bedroom 

“Holtz,” she said as she entered. “I don’t want to wake you but I have some flu medicine and-”

She stopped dead when she saw Holtzmann on the bed. She had pushed the covers off of her so they were only covering her from the waist down, she was sweating profusely and her eyes were small slits, looking at her weakly.

“Oh Jesus, Holtz. Hang on, let me get a thermometer.” Erin put the glass and medicine down on her nightstand and ran into her bathroom. A moment later she sat on the edge of her bed.

“Here, put this under your tongue Holtzy.” Holtzmann groaned pitifully as her temperature was being taken. Erin put the back of her hand on Holtz’s forehead and gasped at how warm she was.

The thermometer beeped and Erin grabbed it to look at the readout. 

“103.3? Oh no Holtzmann, that’s really bad, I think I need to take you to the doc-”

“No doctor, nope. They’ll suck my brains out with their evil instruments. Just leave me here to die in your arms.” Holtzmann laid back down on the bed and coughed.

Erin looked at her and knew what she had to do, but didn’t know if she had the courage and guts to do it.

_I need to get her in a cold bath. Now._

Erin froze. This would involve seeing Holtz naked. As in without clothes. 

A small whimper from the bed snapped Erin out of her panic. Holtzmann had thrown her arm over her eyes, but saw one single tear slowly rolling down her cheek.

That spurred Erin to action. “Holtz, I need you to sit up now. We’re going to go to the bathroom together ok? I’m going to help you feel better.” _Great choice of words there Gilbert._  

Erin gently put Holtzmann’s arm around her shoulder and slowly walked with her to the bathroom. She tried not to notice that Holtz was only wearing a t-shirt. _Eyes up, geez._ She heard Holtzmann softly mumbling, but all she could make out was “burning,” “hurts” and “Cheez-Its.”

Erin carefully sat Holtzmann down on the toilet and began running the water in her tub. _Shower or bath? Bath I guess because I don’t think Holtz can really stand right now. Unless I want to get in with her and OH GOD NO just stop this right now_. Erin put the plug in the bathtub and turned to Holtz, who was currently sitting with her head in her hands.

Erin kneeled and began to carefully take the remaining bobby pins out Holtzmann’s hair, and marveled at how long it was. She’d only seen Holtzmann with her hair down a couple of times when she had come out of the shower at HQ wearing nothing but a towel, and truth be told, Erin was too busy looking at other things to focus on her hair. She smoothed the hair out of Holtz’s sweaty face and lightly stroked her cheek. 

“Ok, once the bath is full, I’m gonna need you to um, take your shirt off and I’ll help you get into the tub. I want you to stay in there for awhile ok? We need to get your temperature down.”

Holtz opened her eyes and looked at Erin - the pain in her blue eyes made her heart hurt so much she she wanted to wrap Holtzmann in her arms and never let go.

Holtz sleepily rested her head on Erin’s shoulder. They stayed like that for several moments - Erin kneeling in front of Holtzmann, stroking her hair lightly as Holtz held onto Erin’s elbows.

Erin turned and noticed the tub was nearly full. Regretfully separating herself from Holtzmann, she turned the water off. Turning back, she took a deep breath and gently took Holtz’s t-shirt off, which was a slight struggle as she could barely lift her arms. _This is not the time to ogle, this is not the time to ogle…_

Erin wrapped her arm around Holtzmann’s midsection and lifted her off the toilet. “I can support you, but can you get in the tub? Just hold onto me if you feel unsteady.”

Holtzmann grunted in the affirmative and shakily stepped into the tub, keeping one hand on Erin’s shoulder. She was unable to sit down slowly enough though, and splashed Erin when her butt hit the bottom of the tub, getting Erin’s face and top half of her body wet.

“Sorry,” Holtzmann said softly. “No no, it’s ok Holtzy, don’t worry about it.” Erin grabbed a hand towel off a nearby rack and mopped the excess water off her face. 

For the first time, Erin looked at Holtzmann since all her clothes had been removed. She was holding her knees up to her chest, rocking back and forth slightly. And instead of fixating on her obvious assets ( _she has a nice butt OH CUT IT OUT_ ), Erin’s eyes were drawn to the assorted scars and healed burns that marked her body. She couldn’t help herself, and lightly traced a particularly large scar that ran parallel to her spine.

“Lab explosion. Scrapnel. 46 stitches. It hurt a bit.” Holtzmann murmured softly.

 _I bet she has stories for all these scars. I’d like to hear them one day._  

“I’m going to get your hair wet ok? Hopefully it’ll help bring your fever down a bit.”

Erin grabbed the shower wand and turned the water on. She adjusted the temperature so it was cold and began spraying Holtzmann’s hair. Holtz made a slight whimpering sound and shivered.

“I know it’s cold honey, but it’ll help, I promise.”

Erin used her other hand to comb through Holtz’s hair as it got wet. After a few minutes Holtzmann made a strangled moaning sound. Erin wasn’t sure if it was a sound of pain or something else, but it made Erin feel tingly in places that she should be ignoring right now.

Erin turned the shower wand off and placed it back in its holder on the wall. “Ok, I want you to lean back and just rest for a bit all right? You’re not going to drown on me are you Holtz?”

“No drowning, I’m a fish glug-glug.” Erin smiled at Holtzmann’s silliness. Her smiling stopped though when Holtz leaned back and Erin got an eye-full of her breasts, stomach and…

“I’ll be right back, I need to shirt my change, I mean change my shirt.” Erin walked quickly out of the bathroom, knowing that if Holtzmann was in her right mind she’d be cackling at her.

In the bedroom, Erin stood with her hands on top of her dresser, willing herself to get her breathing under control, to not think about a naked Jillian Holtzmann mere feet from her current location. After several moments, Erin exhaled and grabbed a fresh t-shirt out of the top drawer, throwing her damp one in the hamper. She also grabbed another t-shirt for Holtz (that read “Physics is Phun” in large print) and a pair of loose cotton shorts. _I don’t have any boxers and I don’t think Holtz would like my underwear so this will have to do._

Erin walked back in the bathroom to find Holtzmann submerged in the tub up to her chin, her arms on the edges, holding her up. She noted that she seemed to be breathing slightly more evenly.

“I put a change of clothes and a towel on the toilet for you. I’ll get you out of there in a bit if you need me to, or just get out whenever you feel like it. I’ll be in the living room, so just holler if you need anything.”

Erin turned to leave.

“Erin?” came a soft voice behind her.

“Yeah Holtzy?” Erin turned to see Holtzmann’s bright blue eyes staring at her in earnest.

“Thank you.”

\--

It was only 1:30 in the afternoon, but Erin didn’t care. She grabbed the half-filled bottle of red wine out of her fridge, filled a glass and downed it in three gulps. She poured the remainder of the bottle in the glass and took it with her when she sat down on her couch.

 _Jesus. Fuck._  

_I saw Holtzmann naked. I SAW HOLTZMANN NAKED. Just stop, just stop, she’s sick you need to focus on taking care of her, don’t-_

Erin jumped as her cell phone started ringing. She grabbed it off the coffee table and noted that Abby was calling her. 

“Hey Abby” 

“Hi Erin, how’s Holtzmann doing?”

Erin tried to keep her voice even. “Well, she had a pretty high fever. But I think it’s going down now. She’s still pretty out of it though - I should probably take her to a doctor.”

Abby laughed. “Holtzy? Doctors? Have you forgotten when Patty had to carry her kicking and screaming into the ER when she sliced her hand? She was going to stitch it up herself!”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I’ll just watch her closely and if she gets worse I’ll have to force her to go see someone”

“Well don’t watch her *too* closely Gilbert,” Abby cackled.

“Shut up. How are you guys doing? Did you get any calls?”

“No, nothing yet. Patty’s been reading, I’m trying to clean up a bit in the lab. Don’t tell Holtzmann though. I swear I’m going to be sweeping up Pringles crumbs until Christmas.”

“OK, well if you need me, call. I think I should be able to leave Holtz alone for a bit if need be.”

“I think we’ll be fine. Just take care of our Holtzy, ok?”

Erin could hear the muffled sound of Patty yelling in the background. “What was that?”

“Patty said to make sure to give her some extra TLC.” With that Erin could hear the two of them laughing and saying goodbye (amongst some kissing sounds, which she suspected was Abby.)

Erin frowned and put her phone down. _I’m going to get those two…_

“Hey, Erin?”

Erin turned to see Holtzmann in the hallway leaning against the wall, wearing the clothes she had given her, with the towel wrapped around her shoulders.

“Do you have anything to eat? Nothing big, I just haven’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday and I think my stomach is digesting my internal organs.”

Erin jumped up. “Yeah, I have some crackers. Go get back into bed, I’ll bring them to you.”

Holtz slowly shuffled down the hallway back into the bedroom. _This must what it’s like to have sick children._

She grabbed the box of saltines and headed back to the bedroom. Holtzmann had already gotten back into bed and had pulled the covers up to her nose.

“Hiding from someone?” Erin raised an eyebrow.

“Just kinda cold now. These blankets are nice”

“They’re nothing special Holtz. Here, let’s take your temperature again.” Erin passed the thermometer to Holtzmann, who slipped it under her tongue.

After a moment, the thermometer beeped. “101.9. Definitely better, but that’s still high. Here,” Erin tossed Holtz a sleeve of saltines. “Don’t get crumbs in my bed if you can help it. Also, make sure you take the medicine with the water on the nightstand.”

“Aye, aye captain.” Holtzmann give Erin a two fingered salute, before tearing open the sleeve of crackers and crunching loudly.

Erin glanced back at Holtz before closing the door. Holtzmann gave her a smile full of crumbs and winked.

_She must be feeling a bit better, she’s making me blush again._

\-- 

Erin spent the next several hours catching up on several journals she had been wanting to read, taking copious notes as she went along. She glanced at the clock after she finished - it was already after 8 o’clock. She stretched her arms on the couch. _I’d better check on Holtzy._  

She walked quietly down the hallway and peeked in the bedroom door. The blinds on the windows were slightly open, which bathed a sleeping Holtz in a soft light from the streetlamps outside. _She looks almost angelic._

Erin creeped quietly to pull a pair of pajamas out of the dresser. _I guess it’s a Lean Cuisine and sleep on the couch night._

She heard a soft contented sigh behind her before she left the room.

_That’s ok though._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, you have reblogged 6 million Holtzbert gifs on Tumblr since 6am today because HOLTZBERT IS CANON.
> 
> anyWAY, here's chapter 3. Thanks again for all the kind words so far. Honestly, I'm a bit overwhelmed.

All things considered, Erin slept decently for having camped out on her living room couch. She groggily opened her eyes and lifted her head up only to see a large lump on the floor near her feet.

“Holtzmann! Why aren’t you in bed?”

Holtz was sitting on the floor wrapped in the duvet from Erin’s bed, with her back up against the couch.

“I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to ask you something, but you were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to wake you.”

“You’re sick Holtz. You could’ve woken me up. What was it you wanted to ask?”

“Um, I went through all your Kleenex in the bedroom. I had to blow my nose on your shirt once, sorry.”

“Ugh, Holtzmann, you could’ve used the toilet paper in the bathroom!”

Holtzmann looked sheepish. “Oh, did I tell you I used all of that too? It’s a good thing you didn’t wake up to go pee, because you would’ve had to wipe yourself with-”

“Ok, OK. Hang on, I have some extra Kleenex and toilet paper stashed in my kitchen pantry.”

Erin threw back the covers and walked toward the kitchen. _This woman will be the death of me_ , she mused, grabbing the needed supplies out of the pantry.

“Here,” Erin said as she tossed a box of Kleenex at Holtz, who proceeded to tear it open and blow her nose loudly.

Erin sat back down on the couch. “Are you feeling better? Hungry? I could make breakfast.”

“I think I’m only half-dead now instead of in zombie mode. I’m a little hungry. More thirsty than anything because my throat feels like someone took a rake to it overnight.”

Erin had noticed Holtz’s voice was raspier than usual. _It’s kinda hot actually. Oh, knock it off._

“I’ll make you some toast and get you a drink then.”

“Can you put butter and jelly on it? It’s the best!”

Erin frowned at Holtzmann as she got up. “Butter and jelly? Oh nevermind, I won’t ask”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell Gilbert!” Holtzmann bellowed as she headed toward the kitchen. Holtz laughed at her own quip, which evolved into a fit of loud coughing.

After several minutes Erin emerged from the kitchen holding a tray with breakfast - cereal and coffee for herself, and toast and a glass of Sunny Delight for Holtzmann.

“Is that Sunny D? And toast made in the best way ever? EG you are the bomb!” Holtz finished half the glass of juice in seemingly one large gulp and started eating the toast, chewing loudly.

“You’re welcome.” Erin sat back on the couch and took a sip of her coffee (black, two sugars).

“So listen,” Holtzmann said in between chews, “I kinda need some clothes as much as I enjoy modeling the Erin Gilbert collection. I figure I could go over to my apartment and grab some and then come back if you still wanna hang out.”

“Holtzmann you are absolutely not going anywhere - you’re still sick! And yes I still want you to hang out here, at least until I’m sure you’re feeling better.”

“Well that settles it then. I guess I’ll just have to hang out with you naked.”

Erin nearly choked on the bite of corn flakes she had just taken. “You know, I could just go to your apartment and get you some clothes. You don’t live that far away.” Erin had swung by her apartment a couple of months ago after Holtzmann had left some blueprints in the lab. She had texted Erin to ask if she could bring them on her way home from HQ. She had found it odd that Holtzmann hadn’t asked her in. They had stood in the hallway making awkward small talk until Holtz had begged off, saying she was minding something of the “rather large boom” variety.

Holtzmann shook her head. “Trust me, you don’t want to go to my apartment. You won’t like it. It’s the opposite of...this.” she made a wide sweeping gesture.

“What is” Erin mimicked Holtz’s gesture. “This?”

Holtz chuckled. “C’mon Gilbert. Everything is so neat and organized. I bet you dust your books at least twice a week. My apartment will give you hives.”

“I do not dust my books twice a week! Only once. And as long as there’s nothing in your apartment that’s going to kill me outright, I really could care less what it looks like.”

Holtzmann let loose a group of sneezes in rapid procession. “Ugh, fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. My keys are in the pocket of my jacket that’s on your bedroom floor.”

Erin gathered up the dishes from breakfast. “I’m going to shower, then go. Lie back on the couch and rest ok? I shouldn’t be long.”

“Do me a favor while you’re there? Can you feed my fish Marie Curie and Ralph? I bet they’re hungry.”

“OK, I get the Marie Curie name, but why Ralph?”

Holtzmann shrugged. “I dunno, I liked the name?”

\--

On the cab ride to Holtzmann’s apartment, Erin texted Abby to let her know she’d be taking care of Holtz for at least another day. “I can meet you at a bust though if I’m needed. I think Holtz can handle me leaving her alone for a few hours.”

“I will, but I think we’ll be fine. I almost hate to say it, but it’s too quiet without you two around. Especially Holtzy. Patty put DeBarge on the radio this morning. I think she misses her most.”

“Aww, that’s sweet.”

Abby closed out the string of texts with a suggestive winky emoji followed by the kissy face one, which resulted in Erin rolling her eyes and putting her phone back into her purse.

After walking up four flights of stairs ( _maybe this is why she’s in much better shape than I_ ), Erin stood apprehensively outside Holtz’s apartment. Apt 42. _Fitting._

Erin unlocked the door and slowly opened it. It wasn’t as bad as she expected. But Holtzmann was right - it made her itchy.

Nearly every surface in the apartment was covered in paper - blueprints, notes scribbled in Holtzmann’s signature messy scrawl, balled up paper, books and magazines. _This place is a fire trap._

She also noted Holtz’s furniture was nearly non-existent. There was a large space in the small living room where a couch should have been, a coffee table that had paint splatters all over it and a small TV on a rickety stand, with half a dozen gaming systems tangled up on the floor in front of it. _Did she take the couch that used to be in here and bring it to the lab? I bet she did._

She found Holtzmann’s fish tank and her two goldfish perched on the kitchen counter. Erin fed Marie Curie and Ralph the fish food that was next to the tank (by a half eaten tube of Pringles). Out of curiosity, she opened Holtzmann’s fridge. Two cartons of Chinese takeout, a bottle of beer she had never heard of, a mushy tomato and half a jar of mayonnaise were its only contents. “Oh Holtz,” she sighed.

Erin decided she would skip looking in Holtz’s bathroom and headed to the small, single bedroom. There was a futon shoved in the corner, and considering it was covered in books (and more notes), she doubted Holtzmann had slept in it recently. In the opposite corner was a small lab table, with an assortment of parts and tools spread across it. _Are those scorch marks on the ceiling? She’ll never get her security deposit back._

Above a small dresser was an assortment of blueprints and notes tacked to the walls. She noticed three pictures amongst them. One was a photo of the Ghostbusters, smiling shortly after a bust (Erin had slime in her hair, as usual). The second was a strip of photos from a photo booth at a bar they frequented near HQ. They were of herself and Holtz. She laughed as she remembered that Holtz had tried to lick her cheek when the first photo was taken and the subsequent three photos were of the two of them play fighting, both with broad smiles on their faces.

It was the last photo that made Erin pause. It was weathered and faded, but Erin could make out that it was of a young Holtzmann, perhaps 9 or 10 years old, accepting a science fair trophy from a grim faced teacher. Her hair was as blonde and curly as it was currently. She wore a Star Wars t-shirt under a flannel, baggy pants and a well-worn pair of Chuck Taylors. What clenched at Erin’s heart was Holtzmann’s expression. While she was smiling, the look in her blue eyes was sad, almost unhappy. _What made you so sad? I wish I knew more about who you were._

Erin shook her head. She started opening the drawers of the dresser only to find none of them contained clothes. Only tools, more books and various odd and ends ( _how many tubes of Pringles are in here?_ ). Erin looked behind her and found two laundry baskets full of clothes. One was obviously full of dirty ones, judging by the amount of grease and ectoplasm on them, so she hoped the other one contained somewhat clean clothing. She found a duffel bag under the futon and filled it up with the contents of the basket. _If they’re not clean I guess I’ll be making a trip to the laundromat._

\--

Erin arrived back at her apartment to find Holtzmann passed out on her couch, surrounded by a small pile of used tissues on the floor. She was lying on her stomach, cheek pressed into one of the cushions, her arm hanging over the side. _Oh god, I think she’s drooling._

She dropped the duffel bag on the floor and Holtz woke up with a start. “Huh, whut...I swear no nuclear material was used in that reactor. Oh, hey Gilbert.” Holtzmann rubbed her eyes and put the glasses that were hanging on one of her ears back on her face.

“I’m not sure if this was from your clean pile, but there’s clothes in the duffel bag for you.”

“Awesome! I’m dying for a shower. Thanks, EG!”

Holtzmann leaped off the couch, grabbed the duffel bag and started shuffling toward the bathroom. Halfway there she stopped. She walked back to Erin, kissed her on the cheek and smirked. She skipped back down the hallway and shut the bathroom door behind her.

Erin stood rooted to the spot for what seemed like hours. _Did Holtz? Did she just kiss me? Right now? On my cheek? Does not compute…_

Erin snapped out of it after hearing Holtzmann attempting to sing “Funky Town” while showering, but she stopped halfway through the chorus with loud set of coughs. She sighed and picked the tissues up off the carpet. _One day we’re going to talk about this. Right?_

\---

Erin tried to calm herself down by picking up a book to read ( _it doesn’t matter which, I just need to stop thinking about K-I-S-S-I-N-G_ ). Holtzmann joined her on the couch shortly thereafter. She had changed into her red smoking robe (with a slightly ripped t-shirt underneath which Erin attempted not to gawk at), a pair of cargo pants that had been cut off at the knee and rainbow socks pulled up her calves. Her hair was still down, and Holtz was using a towel to dry it off.

“You should leave your hair down sometimes.”

“Naw, I once burned half of it off in an unfortunate lab incident in college. Safety first and all that ya know.”

“There’s no lab here Holtzmann. Keep it down - it’s pretty.”

Holtzmann stopped rubbing at her hair and looked at Erin. “‘Kay.”

_Is she *blushing*? Did I make Jillian Holtzmann blush? I must remember this day._

Erin smiled warmly. “I’ll make us something to eat. I got chicken alphabet soup for you.”

“No shit? I think I might marry you one day Gilbert.”

Erin headed toward the kitchen rapidly before she said something she’d regret later. “Sure, Holtzmann.”

\--

Erin looked over at the clock in the living room - 10:21 PM

_I guess time flies when you’re having fun._

After lunch, Holtzmann had taken a nap (“it feels like I have half a dozen hamsters hammering inside my head again” she complained) and Erin busied herself with some of her weekly cleaning tasks (she skipped vacuuming because she didn’t want to wake Holtz). After she woke up, Erin made herself and Holtzmann grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, prompting Holtz to ask if she had any pickles.

“No. Why?”

“I like ‘em on my grilled cheese. Don’t make that face.”

“What face?”

“The Erin Gilbert I Am Judging You But Trying Not To Look Judgmental face. It’s ok though EG. I still love ya.”

Erin had stopped mid-chew to gape at Holtzmann, not only for what she had just said, but also because Holtz was licking the grease off of her fingers. _She’s trying to kill me dead...._

Post-dinner Erin had suggested they watch TV. “Netflix and chill, Gilbert?” teased Holtz. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“I don’t have Netflix.” _I’m going to pretend I have no idea what she’s referring to because this is just too much._

“Oh, too bad. Well I suppose there’s something on the boob tube we can lose some brain cells to.”

Approximately an hour into a documentary about NASA which Holtzmann was excited about (“Space! Rockets! Aliens! What’s not to like?”), Holtz started to nod off. _Must have been that Nyquil she chugged._

Holtzmann slowly started sliding sideways on the couch until her head hit Erin’s shoulder, jolting her awake.

“Oof, sorry Gilbert. I’m just sleepy.”

“Why don’t you go to bed?”

“Because I wanna try to watch this. And I don’t really feel like getting up right now.”

“Well just get comfortable then - I don’t mind.”

That was how Holtzmann ended up with her head in Erin’s lap, Erin’s arm loosely draped over Holtz’s stomach. Holtzmann snored quietly, occasionally scrunching her nose in her sleep which Erin found adorable. _I could get used to this._

Erin lightly shook her awake. “Holtzy, it’s late. I’m sure my bed is more comfortable than my lap.”

“I beg to differ,” Holtzmann mumbled quietly.

“Be that as it may, but my legs are starting to cramp and I should probably go to sleep myself.”

Holtz sat upright and looked at Erin with a strange expression on her face. Erin looked back, mesmerized by the glow of the TV framing Holtzmann’s face. _Is she going to kiss me again?_

They sat there studying one another for what seemed like an eternity.

Holtzmann snapped out of it. “Ok, good night EG! Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” She hopped up and stumbled off to the bedroom.

As soon as she heard the bedroom door close, Erin grabbed a cushion off the couch and screamed into it.

_HELP._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be a four chapter fic, but I can't turn off my brain and it's going to end up being five (I think). Hopefully it's worth the wait.
> 
> On a personal note - I used to eat toast with butter and jelly as a kid and loved it so I don't know what Erin is talking about. Also, my college gf had a cat named Marie after Marie Curie. Come to think of it, she was a physicist/engineer. Hmm.
> 
> As always, stop by my tumblr (geekmisconduct) and join in all of my Holtzbert feels.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been so nice and I honestly can't believe folks want to read all these random thoughts that are jumbled in my brain. I think y'all are going to want to kill me after this chapter though *ducks*

Erin leaned her head against the wall of her shower.  _ That was the shittiest night of sleep I’ve had in a long time. _

Even though she was both mentally and physically exhausted from the last couple of days, her brain would not let her fall asleep. Over and over that moment of looking Holtzmann deeply in her eyes on the couch replayed in her head on a loop.  _ I should have kissed her. I should’ve told her how I feel. _ And when Erin finally did fall asleep, she dreamt of herself and Holtz being alone at HQ, Holtzmann sliding over to where she sat at her desk in her rolling office chair. Dream Holtz pulled Erin onto her lap and devoured her mouth with her own. There were flashes of the two of them in various stages of passion and undress until Holtz deposited a naked Erin on top of her desk. She began kissing down Erin’s body, reaching the apex of her thighs and then-

Erin woke up. 

The water in the shower started to chill, signifying Erin had been in there far too long reliving the past 48 hours, both real and imagined. She groaned.

_ Why does this have to be so hard? _

\--

Erin walked into her bedroom in her robe, hair wrapped in a towel to find Holtzmann sleeping with her head at the foot of the bed, blankets akimbo. Erin opened her closet door, looking for something to wear. 

“Mmphf, is it morning already?”

“Indeed it is, and believe me, I asked myself the same question when I woke up. How can you sleep like that?”

“Honey, if you’d have seen some of the beds I’ve slept in over the years, you wouldn’t have asked that question. There was this loft in Queens once I crashed at after a rave and -”

“Holtz, not before I’ve had my coffee please.” Erin turned to put on her chosen outfit in the bathroom.

“Make some chocolate milk for me and I’ll love you forever!,” Erin heard Holtzmann bellow from the bedroom.

_ Sure you will Holtz. Sure you will. _

\-- 

“So, I’m going into work today. I’m sure Abby and Patty will be happy to have an additional pair of hands again.” Having just finished breakfast, Erin started packing her handbag in preparation to leave.

Holtzmann thoughtfully nibbled on her toast. “I feel a lot better ya know. I could come with. Get the band back together and all that.”

Erin tilted her head. “I’d rather you not. I know you’re not 100% plus you’ve taken so much cold/flu medicine in the last 48 hours it would make a hippopotamus unconscious.”

“Nonsense my dear Gilbert. Watch!”

Holtzmann stood up and began doing jumping jacks in the kitchen, loudly counting off each one. Erin tried not to notice Holtz was only wearing the ripped up t-shirt and boxers that she had worn to bed and was failing miserably. 

After jumping jack number eleven, Holtzmann doubled over and started coughing violently.

“Holtzy! See, I told you weren’t better quite yet!”

Holtzmann looked up at Erin. “‘xcuse me.”

She bolted for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. The sounds that came out of there shortly thereafter were not pleasant.

Erin stood outside the bathroom door and sighed. “Do you need anything?”

“Water please. And a dramamine if you have one.”

Erin returned to the bathroom with a glass of water, nearly spilling it when Holtzmann opened the door suddenly. Erin heard the toilet flushing behind her and Holtzmann was wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, still looking slightly green.

“Can I leave you here alone without you burning down the apartment or finding upchuck on my furniture?”

Holtzmann answered after chugging half the glass of water in one fell swoop. “I think I can manage that. Tell Abby and Patty I miss them. And don’t work too hard EG.” She winked.

Right before Erin closed the front door behind her, she heard Holtzmann mumble softly. “Barfing is for dudes.”

\--

To say Abby and Patty were excited to see her when she walked into the firehouse that morning was an understatement. The two of them practically smothered her in a enthusiastic bearhug.

“You’re back! Thank god, it was so boring around here.” Abby said excitedly.

“And you didn’t get cooties from Holtzmann! I’m not sure how you managed that, but I probably don’t want to know.” Patty laughed.

“I don’t think she’s contagious because with as many snotty tissues I’ve picked up I would’ve had the plague by now.”

“How is Holtzy anyway? I’m almost sad this place has been poof-free for several days.” Abby inquired.

“She’s doing better. She tossed her cookies this morning trying to prove she was well enough to come with me. But yeah, she’s ok.”

Patty tilted her head. “I’m not even going to ask about that. That girl is crazy, but we all love her for it, don’t we?”

Erin smiled out of one side of her mouth. “Yeah. Yeah we do.”

\--

Erin chewed on her pen cap (a bad habit of hers), as she double checked the equations on the problem she was working on. She glanced at the clock affixed to the wall behind her: 3:13 PM.

_ I hope Holtz is ok. I haven’t heard from her, so I’m sure she’s just fine. I mean I would’ve been notified by someone if the apartment blew up, right? _

Erin turned and looked at the clock again.

“Erin!” Abby yelled from across the room.

“What?”

“If you look at that clock one more time I’m going to take one of Holtz’s blowtorches to it.”

“Oh, sorry. I was just wondering how-”

“Holtzmann was doing?” Patty finished her sentence. “Erin, you’ve been jittery all day. Go home and check on your girl. The three of us will be fine. Right Kevin?”

Kevin looked up from the package of ramen noodles he had been intently studying for the last fifteen minutes. “Sure boss. Hey does anyone know how they get a chicken in the little flavor packets in here? I mean do they shrink it or put it in the dryer or something?”

“Erm, I’m not sure buddy.” Erin headed for the front door after gathering her things. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Bye Erin! Send Holtzy our love!” Abby yelled as Erin walked out the door.

After a minute of silence, Patty sighed. “I bet you $20 the two of them will do the nasty before the weekend is done.”

“You’re on Tolan,” Abby said as she hi-fived her.

\--

Erin stopped dead after entering her apartment.

_ Why is my toaster in a million pieces in my living room? _

“Holtz!” Erin yelled, exasperated.

“Oh, hey there E to the G!” Holtzmann popped up from behind the couch, her hair askew, goggles affixed to her face. “A screw rolled back here and I was trying to find it. Ah-ha, there you are! Come here you little shit.” Holtzmann grabbed a small screw off the floor and triumphantly displayed it over her head.

“What the hell did you do to my toaster?”

“Ah, you see Erin,” Holtzmann scooted on her butt to position herself in front of the mess on the floor. “I was making toast for lunch and noticed that it wasn’t getting as dark as I liked it. I realized the heating coils weren’t reaching their maximum capacity, so I took it upon myself to try to increase the wattage.” Holtz looked up at Erin who was hovering above her and removed her goggles. “You know I would have had this done hours ago had I access to all my tools. All I could find here was an IKEA toolset and a box of matches, so this is taking a little longer than normal.”

Erin rubbed her eyes. “Holtzmann, when was the last time you were outside?”

“Hmm, let me think.” Holtz tapped a screwdriver across her nose. “Does leaning halfway out your bedroom window this afternoon to try to convince the ice cream truck driver to bring me a bomb pop count?”

“Wait, what?”

“Nevermind about that. I don’t think I’ve been outside since you shoved my unconscious ass into a cab on Monday.”

“I was thinking. It’s pretty nice outside. If you feel up to it we could go for a walk around the neighborhood. There’s a taco truck a couple blocks away. We could pick up dinner if you’re interested.”

Holtzmann’s face lit up. “TACOOOOOOOOOS!” she screamed as she ran to the bedroom to put some pants on. 

Erin couldn’t help it. She laughed.

\-- 

“You had 3 al pastor tacos. How are you fitting all those chips into that body of yours.”

They had put the pieces of Erin’s toaster in a box so they could sit on the floor to eat their dinner in the living room. Erin had spread their food out on the coffee table (after putting newspapers down to prevent grease stains, of course).

“Well you know what they say Gilbert. One’s body is a temple” Holtzmann tilted her head back and threw a tortilla chip into her open mouth and began crunching loudly.

Earlier, the two of them had walked leisurely down Erin’s block together, Erin telling Holtzmann about her day at work. Holtzmann bounced excitedly when she saw the taco truck. “I haven’t had tacos in foreverrrrrr EG. Like a week!”

After ordering, they strolled back to the apartment, Erin holding the paper bag with their dinner, Holtzmann loudly slurping on the straw of the large horchata she had bought. Erin raised an eyebrow after a particularly loud slurp. Holtz winked and grabbed Erin’s hand. They walked hand-in-hand back to the apartment, Erin trying to will her heart not to burst out of her chest. 

_ Her hand was softer than I thought it would be _ , Erin mused as she finished off her chicken taco.

“Here, you got something.” Holtzmann made a wiping gesture on her mouth. 

“Huh, what?” Erin said with her mouth full.

“Guacamole.” Holtz leaned over and wiped the corner of Erin’s mouth with her thumb. She showed Erin the large gob of avocado on her thumb, sat back and proceeded to put it her own mouth.

“Thanks?” Erin squeaked.  _ Is it hot in here or _

“Never let good food go to waste Gilbert.” Holtzmann smirked.

\--

After another evening of camping out watching TV on the couch, Erin yawned. 

“Sleepy?” Holtzmann asked. Erin’s feet were in her lap as she had wanted to lie down a short while ago (“too much hot sauce,” she had moaned).

“Yeah, I’m beat. How about you Holtzy?”

“I could sleep.” She stood up and looked down at Erin, biting her lip.

“What? Do I have more guacamole on my face or something?”

“No, I was just thinking. This couch isn’t that comfortable. Why don’t you sleep in your own bed tonight?”

“I couldn’t make you sleep here. You’re my guest Holtzmann.”

Holtz dramatically rolled her eyes. “You have a queen sized bed Gilbert. I think we’ll both fit on there. Unless you’re a bed hog and I end up on the floor.”

Erin opened her mouth to speak but no sound came out.

“C’mon, I don’t bite. Well not unless you ask politely.” Holtzmann wagged her eyebrows and offered Erin her hand to pull her up off the couch.

“Ok, sure Holtzmann.”  _ What am I doing? _ She stood up and the two of them walked down the hallway.

“You don’t snore do you?” Holtz inquired.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Ok. I do. I drool as well. Sorry in advance.”

\--

Erin was woken up by the morning sunlight streaming through the bedroom blinds. An arm was draped across her chest. 

She turned to see Holtzmann face first into a pillow, mouth open.  _ Yep, she drooled on my pillows. _

After a moment, Erin remembered how awkward she had felt lying in bed next to Holtzmann the night before. After changing into pajamas, she had gotten under the covers. Holtz had entered the bedroom moments later after brushing her teeth and jumped up on the bed next to her.

“Holtzmann! This is not a trampoline!”

“I didn’t realize this was a no fun zone. Oh well, your loss.” Holtzmann shimmied under the covers and turned off the lamp on the nightstand next to her.

The two of them had laid there in the dark silently, neither of them daring to move. A loud gurgling sound broke the silence.

“I knew that cilantro was trouble.” Holtz said quietly.

Erin had broken into a fit of giggles, and Holtzmann blew a large raspberry at her.

“Good night, EG. Pleasant dreams.” Holtz turned over.

Erin stopped laughing and spoke quietly. “G’night Holtzy.”

Erin’s reverie was interrupted by Holtzmann murmuring softly. She gently lifted Holtz’s arm off of her, which roused her from her slumber.

“Wakey, wakey Holtz.”

Holtzmann lifted her head up and rested it on her hand. “Good morning gorgeous. Love the bed head.”

Erin blushed. “You should talk Medusa.”

“This is intentional,” Holtzmann pointed to the mess of curls on top of her head.

“Sure Holtzy, sure.”

The two of them fell into a comfortable silence. Holtzmann was tracing patterns on the bedsheet in front of her.  _ She is so adorable. _

Erin took a deep breath. “Hey Holtzmann, can I ask a personal question?”

She looked up. “Ooooooo a personal question. This will be interesting. Shoot Gilbert.”

Erin looked down. “When I was at your apartment the other day, I saw a picture in your bedroom. It was of you when you were a kid, and you were being handed a science fair trophy. What were you thinking right then?”

Erin glanced back at Holtzmann and her stomach sunk. Gone was the cocky, carefree grin that had danced across Holtz’s face just moments before. It was replaced by a blank stare, Holtzmann’s lips pressed together in a tight line.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Holtzmann threw back the covers and practically sprinted out of the room. Erin heard the bathroom door slam.

_ Oh shit, oh fuck, what did I just do? _

\--

Erin had been staring at the same page in the journal she was reading for the better part of an hour. One of her hands was holding up her head, the other periodically clicking a pen cap.

Abby and Patty exchanged looks from across the office at the firehouse. Erin had barely said two words to either of them all day. Even Kevin, who showed up with his pants on backwards, barely elicited a smile from her.

Erin sighed. Holtz hadn't made an appearance this morning after running off to bathroom until she was almost done with breakfast. The two of them had made awkward, stilted small talk until Erin was finished with her cereal. Erin wanted nothing more but to apologize to Holtzmann for inquiring about her childhood, but was afraid bringing the subject up again would alienate her further. Holtz for her part was attempting to act like nothing was wrong, but behind the forced smiles and banter Erin could tell she was still upset.

She turned before leaving to look at Holtz, who was sitting on the couch methodically putting her toaster back together.

“Hey Holtzmann?”

She looked up. “Yeah?”

Erin paused.  _ I just want to tell you I'm sorry & I’ll always be here for you.  _ “Have a good day, ok?”

Holtzmann had smiled softly. “You too Erin.”

Erin jumped as her cell phone started buzzing on her desk. It was Holtzmann. She grabbed her phone and walked to the back of the firehouse in an attempt for some privacy.

“Hey, Holtz”

“Erin!” She was shouting into the phone due to the background noise.  _ Is she on the subway? _ “Listen, I'm feeling a lot better today and I've already been such a burden. So I'm heading home. I think Marie Curie & Ralph miss me anyway. Can you tell Abby & Patty I'll be back in on Monday? I'm going to spend the weekend getting myself back into shape.”

_ She sounds like she rehearsed this. _ “Sure thing Holtzmann. Hey, I just wanted to say-”

“I put your toaster back together,” Holtz interrupted. “I ate all your bread so I couldn't test it, but it should work better now.”

“That's great, but I need to-”

“Tunnel’s coming up! Talk to you later!”

The call cut off.

Erin stared at the phone in her hand for a beat. She was startled when Patty came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“You ok, Erin? You seem upset.”

“No I'm fine. Just fine. That was just, uh Holtzmann. She's feeling better so she's going home. Said she be back Monday.”

Patty gave her a look like she didn't believe her. “Sure, ok. That's great. Abby and I are headed to the sub place around the corner for lunch. Wanna join us?”

Erin shook her head. “No, I'm not hungry. Besides I got a lot of work to catch up on.”

“You sure? Those journals aren't going anywhere you know”

Erin attempted to smile. “I'm good, I'm good. You guys go. Have fun!”

“All righty then. See you in a bit.” Patty turned to join Abby, who had been standing nearby. Erin averted her eyes - Abby would know how upset she was and didn't think she could handle talking to her at the moment.

As soon as the two women exited the building, Erin walked briskly to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her. She began sobbing before she had even sunk down to the floor.

  
_ I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY
> 
> Seriously, this angst kind of snuck in here, and it wouldn't go away. I promise you it all pays off in the end. Here's to wrapping this up by the weekend.
> 
> *runs screaming down the block*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends - thanks for being so patient after I kind of left y'all hanging after the last chapter. You'll notice the rating went up. Because, well, yeah. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the last chapter!

Erin stared blankly at the ceiling, having come up to Holtz’s lab after getting herself together in the bathroom hours earlier. She had been laying on the old couch in the corner, a book on her lap to perhaps give the impression that she was actually working. Instead, she alternated between overthinking everything that had happened during the week and trying not to puke because of the splitting headache she currently had.

She heard footsteps coming up the stairs and rapidly sat up, holding the book in her hands as if she was actively reading. It was Patty and Abby.

“You’ve been up here all afternoon baby, so we wanted to check in on you,” said a concerned Patty. 

Erin mustered a smile, “I just have a headache and wanted a quiet place to read. I’m fine.”

Abby was unconvinced. “Your book is upside down.”

“Oh.” Erin turned the book right side up and gave Abby a sheepish grin.

“Well I’m heading out for the weekend a bit early. My cousins will be in town this evening and if I don’t make sure I’ve swept up every dustbunny in my apartment they’ll be on the phone to my mama, gossiping about what squalor I live in or some stupid shit.” Patty waved and headed back down the stairs.

“Ok Patty, have fun!” Erin said with forced enthusiasm.

“See ya Monday!” Abby waved.

Abby turned to Erin and gave her a look. Erin knew that look. She was about to get it.

“Erin Gilbert,” Abby said in a stern tone as she sat next to her on the couch.

“Yes?” Erin pretended to be engrossed in her book.

“I’ve known you long enough to know something happened between you and Holtzmann from the time you bounced out the door yesterday and when you came in today looking like a depressed Eeyore. I know that you spent the better part of lunch hour crying in the bathroom and then came up here to hide the fact that you’re miserable. So please look at me and tell me what the hell is going on.”

Erin bit her lip and looked up at Abby.  _ You can tell her your problems in a perfectly rational manner Gilbert. Then everything will be fine. _

“I think I screwed stuff up with Holtzmann and I don’t know if she’s going to want to be my friend anymore,” Erin blurted out. And despite herself, the tears came with a vengeance.

_ Just fucking brilliant. _

“Oh Erin,” Abby pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back as Erin cried herself out for the second time that day.

After several minutes Erin pulled back and wiped at her eyes with the Kleenex Abby had given her. “Sorry, I’m such a hot mess right now.”

“It’s ok Erin. Do you want to tell me what happened?” Abby tried to comfort her by rubbing her arm.

Erin let out a shaky breath. “Things were going so well. I mean besides the fact that Holtzmann was sick for a large part of it. I didn’t know a human body could hold that much snot.”

Abby snorted.

“Anyway, I felt so - comfortable around her. Like I could just be myself. And Holtzmann was just being Holtzmann. Just so silly and adorable and-”

Erin stopped and looked down at her hands which were twisting the Kleenex.

“There were so many opportunities where I could’ve told her how I feel about her. I *should* have. But as usual, I chickened out. And I could feel like she wanted me to, but I just couldn’t do it.” She sighed. “So this morning, when we woke up together, I-”

“Wait, YOU SLEPT TOGETHER?” Abby screeched.

“NO! No, not like that. We just, um, shared my bed last night because Holtz didn’t want me to sleep on the couch anymore. Nothing happened. Unfortunately.”

“Whew,” Abby said quietly under her breath.

“Wait, what?”

“Nothing, continue.”

“Anyway, I asked her this morning about a picture I had seen in her apartment when I stopped over there a couple of days ago to pick up some things. It was a photo of Holtz as a child. And after I did, she completely shut down. It felt like everything we had shared together this week had just gone up in smoke. And she left. And I won’t see her until Monday and I don’t know if she hates me now or what.” Erin sniffled.

“Oh honey, Holtzmann doesn’t hate you. I promise. It’s just that she had a terrible childhood and doesn’t like talking about it.”

Erin looked up. “What happened?”

“Well I don’t know much to be honest - just bits and pieces she’s revealed over the years. It’s not my story to tell anyway. But let’s just say when she stood up in front of us several months ago and said we were her family, she wasn’t lying. Holtzmann doesn’t have anyone else but us.”

Erin looked skyward. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Stop it, no you’re not. Holtzmann worships the ground you walk on. She just needs the weekend to get her head together. She needs you Erin.”

Erin blushed. “You really think so?”

“Erin, I’ve never seen her lip-sync and dance like a fool for anyone like she does for you.”

Erin laughed. “She’s such a dork.” Erin looked down. “I think I’m in love with her,” she said quietly.

“Of course you are,” Abby smiled broadly. “And now you’re going to go home, watch bad movies, read some trashy novels and rest this weekend. And you’ll come back in on Monday and Holtz will be here and everything will be ok.”

“You’re the best Abby,” Erin pulled her into a hug.

“I know.”

\--

_ Ugh, I shouldn’t have tried to eat my feelings. _

Erin looked down at her coffee table, where several take-out boxes currently resided. She had stopped at her favorite Chinese restaurant on her way home, and ordered way too much.  _ Oh well, I guess I have lunch for tomorrow. And Sunday too. _

She had just started cleaning up when she was startled by a loud knock on her front door.

_ It’s 8:30 on a Friday night. Who the hell could that be? _

Erin looked through the peep-hole and saw a mess of blonde curls.

She opened the door with the chain still on. “Holtzmann?”

Holtz looked up at Erin with a goofy grin on her face. “Nope. Avon calling.”

“What are you doing here? Oh wait, c’mon.” Erin unchained the door and Holtzmann strolled in. She looked decidedly, well, Holtzmann with her usual up-do, yellow glasses, leather jacket, mis-matched socks and a pair of saddle shoes. Except she appeared to be bouncing nervously and was hiding something behind her back.

“Are you ok? Ants in your pants?” Erin tilted her head.

“No, uh,” Holtzmann looked nervous.  _ Oh, this is interesting. _ “I brought you these.”

With a flourish Holtz presented Erin with a bouquet featuring several sunflowers. Erin was stunned.  _ She remembered sunflowers are my favorite. _

“I, um, just wanted to thank you for everything this week. And apologize for kinda ditching you today.” Holtzmann nervously rubbed the back of her neck and looked down at the floor.

“That’s sweet Holtz, but you don’t have to apologize for anything. Has anyone ever told you you’re cute when you’re nervous?”

Holtz looked at Erin over her glasses. “Uh, nooooooooo. Has anyone ever told you that you look really pretty holding flowers?”

_ I’m sure I’m redder than a fire truck now. _ “No, but thanks Holtzy. I’m just going to put these in some water.”

When Erin re-entered the living room, she found Holtz on the couch, devouring one of her leftover egg rolls.

“Oh sorry, I haven’t really eaten much today. Is this ok?.”

Erin ignored the fact that Holtz had put her feet on the coffee table next to all of the food. And also that she was wearing a tank top under her overalls and it was starting to ride up her- 

“Nope it’s fine. I was just about to put everything in the fridge for later anyway.”

“Coolio,” Holtz grabbed a package of chopsticks and started eating Erin’s shrimp fried rice right out of the take-out box.

Erin watched Holtz with amusement as she sat down next to her. “You’re really good with your chopsticks there.”

“Well you know, I’ve always been good with my hands and...tools.” Holtzmann looked at Erin and licked her lips. Erin let out a small moan. _ Shit, I hope she didn’t hear that. _

If she did, Holtzmann pretended not to notice. Shortly thereafter she plopped the empty takeout box with her chopsticks back on the coffee table. Holtz slowly turned to look at Erin.

_ That look. I know that look. _

It was the look Holtzmann had when she stood up at that bar many months ago and confessed how much the Ghostbusters had meant to her. The look that she had last November when she awkwardly comforted Patty after she had found out one of her aunts had passed away. The look when she had when she sat in the hospital waiting room with Erin after Abby had sprained her ankle on a bust, and they were waiting to find out if she was ok.

It was the Holtzmann Is Dealing With Her Feelings look. And it was directed powerfully at Erin.

Holtzmann let out a shaky breath. “I don’t really like talking about my past because it’s painful, but I feel like I owe you an explanation for earlier today.”

“No, Holtz,” Erin gently put a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“No, I do. You deserve to know.” Holtz swallowed. Her words came out in a rush.

“I never knew my dad. My mom, she had...issues. Drugs and alcohol mostly. I don’t remember much about her. I like to remember I got these blue orbs from her,” Holtz pointed at her eyes. “That she had a great laugh. But most of my memories of her are,” Holtzmann shook her head. “Not good.”

“She died when I was four. She overdosed in the bathroom of the restaurant she waitressed at. Family Services came and got me at my babysitter’s house and took me to a group home. I never found out if I really didn’t have any other family or that no one wanted me. I don’t think I want to know.”

Erin reached out and grabbed Holtz’s hand and rubbed it with her thumb.  _ I think my heart is breaking _ .

“So I spent my childhood in and out of foster homes. No one kept me for very long. I was too wild. Too weird. I was socially awkward. So I was living at a group home more often than not. Thankfully one of the janitors at the one I lived at the longest was an inventor of sorts. He got me interested in making things. Creating.” Holtz laughed. “I remember once I modified all the smoke detectors at the home to start playing the Sanford and Son theme song when the batteries got low. I got in so much trouble for that one.”

Erin busted out laughing.  _ She’s such a lovable goofball. _

“Anyway, that picture you saw, the one where I won the Science Fair at school. I was 11. And a week before that photo was taken, I was returned by another foster family. But this time it was because I was ‘too queer.’ I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but I had an idea. And I had no one to talk to about it.”

“Oh Holtz.”  _ I wish I knew who those people were. I’d slap the taste out of their mouths. _

“It’s fine. I survived. I got accepted to MIT at 16 and emancipated myself. And the rest as they say, is history.” 

Holtz looked up at the ceiling. Erin could tell she was trying really hard not to let the tears that were forming in her eyes to spill over on her cheeks.

“It’s just,” Holtzmann let out a wavering breath. “Pretty much my entire life, I always looked after myself. I had no one to take care of me when I was sick. No one to listen to my problems. It was just me and all the crazy shit that goes on up here,” Holtz pointed to her head.

Holtz turned to look at Erin, one tear slowly rolling down her cheek.

“You took care of me. No one’s ever done that for me, not like you did. And it means more to me than-” Holtz swallowed. “Than anything that’s ever happened to me.”

Time seemed to stop.  _ Oh my god. _

“Shit,” Holtz bolted up off the couch and stood across the living room, back to Erin, with her arms around herself. Erin sat at looked at her for a moment, her own tears falling down her cheeks.

_ Shit or get off the pot Gilbert. _

Erin slowly walked toward Holtzmann, and when she reached her, she wrapped her arms around her from behind. She rested her chin on Holtz’s shoulder. 

She whispered softly in Holtzmann’s ear. “You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’ll always be here for you. Always.”

Holtzmann slowly turned around to face Erin, eyes cast downward. Erin took off her glasses, put them in Holtz’s jacket pocket and wiped the tears off Holtzmann’s cheeks with her thumbs. Holtzmann grabbed Erin around her waist and pulled her closer. The two of them stood there, standing in the middle of the living room, foreheads pressed together, mouths inches apart. Erin could feel Holtz’s shallow breaths on her cheeks.  _ She wants this as badly as I do. _

Erin titled her head and captured Holtzmann’s lips with her own. The kiss was gentle and sweet and seemed to last forever. Erin felt faint.  _ I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m doing this… _

When they finally broke apart, Erin opened her eyes to see Holtzmann’s bright blue eyes looking at her in awe. A slow, sly grin appeared on her face.

In a flash, Holtzmann’s mouth was on hers again, except this time the kiss was desperate, needy. When Holtz’s tongue entered her mouth Erin groaned, and she tangled her hands in Holtzmann’s curls. Holtz responded by slipping her hands under Erin’s flannel shirt, kneading her back rhythmically.

When Holtzmann’s mouth moved to her neck, Erin could feel it down to her core. “Oh god, Holtz,” she moaned.

“Jillian,” Holtz mumbled as she sucked on Erin’s pulse point. She slowly slid one hand up to squeeze one of Erin’s clothed breasts.

“Jillian, fuck,” Erin said desperately, clinging to Holtzmann tightly. 

“That’s what I’m trying to do babe.” Holtzmann backed Erin up slowly to the couch, their mouths reconnected. Holtz pushed Erin gently backward, so she landed laying on her back. Holtzmann took off her leather jacket, and pushed the straps to her overalls off her shoulders, revealing the thin black tank top underneath. 

Erin grabbed Holtzmann by one of her pockets and pulled her on top of her. Holtzmann nudged a knee between her legs and lightly bit her earlobe. She whispered huskily, “I’m going to make you scream so loud, the neighbors are going to need to go to confession in the morning.”

“Fuck,” Erin groaned gutturally, and she ground herself on Holtz’s knee.  _ No one’s ever made me feel like this and we still have our clothes on. Oh god, I think I might come before we even get to the bedroom. _

Holtz unbuttoned Erin’s shirt and opened it. She stared for a moment. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

Erin smiled shyly and pulled Holtzmann back on top of her.  _ I believe her. _

Erin felt a loud buzzing in her head as Holtz kissed her hungrily and moved one of her hands under her bra. Erin responded by cupping Holtz through her overalls, eliciting a loud long moan from the engineer.

Holtzmann sat up and licked her lips, an odd expression on her face. Suddenly she sneezed. Multiple times. “Oh shit,” she said, covering her nose.

“Here,” Erin thrusted a napkin she managed to reach from the coffee table at Holtz. She heard Holtzmann blow her nose loudly.  _ This is so ridiculous. And I love it. _

Holtzmann shoved the napkin back in her pocket and leaned forward, pressing her forehead against Erin’s. She laughed. “Um, I fear all this excitement might be tiring me out EG.” 

Erin threaded her hands through Holtz’s hair, which was now strewn about her head. “It’s ok, it’s been a long week. For both of us.”

“Well and contrary to popular belief, I am a gentleman. I mean, I’d like to take you on a proper date before I fuck you senseless.”

“Jesus Christ Jillian. You are going to be the death of me.”

Holtzmann grinned. “Nah, I’ll just make you feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven.”

“You think so huh?”

“I know so Gilbert.” 

Holtzmann kissed Erin somewhat chastely and laid back down, her head on Erin’s chest. Erin played with her hair. The two women laid quietly on the couch for a few minutes, lost in their thoughts.

“I can hear your heart beating.”

“Oh yeah? What’s it doing?”

Holtz looked up at Erin. “I think it was doing the bassline to Another One Bites The Dust.”

Erin playfully swatted at Holtz’s arm. “You are such a dork and I love it.”

“Yeah?”

Erin smiled softly. “Yeah.”

\--

Erin felt Holtz’s breath on the back of her neck. After some cuddling on the couch and another brief makeout session (“if we don’t stop now I’m going to rip your clothes off and I really like those jeans you’re wearing,” Holtzmann had murmured against her lips), Erin had invited Holtzmann to sleep over. After they had gotten under the covers, Holtz had wrapped her arm around Erin’s middle, and Erin in turn laced her fingers with Holtz’s.

“Hey Holtzy?”

“Mmm?” Holtz’s voice was close to Erin’s ear sending shivers down her spine.  _ Does she have any idea how sexy she is? _

“When did you start liking me? You know, as more than a friend and colleague.”

“Hmm,” Holtz propped her head up so she could look at Erin. With the lights out in the bedroom, the street lights danced across her face, almost rhythmically. “I think it was when someone wearing a tiny bow tie and tweed walked into my office with a stick up their butt.”

“C’mon Jillian. Really?”

“I’m not shitting you EG. I’m pretty sure I wanted to smooch you right there in front of god, Benny and Abby.”

Erin booped Holtzmann on her nose. “You’re ridiculous”

“That’s what they tell me.” Holtz kissed Erin lightly.

“How about you?”

“Huh?”

“When did you realize you wanted to be Holtzmanned?”

Erin rolled her eyes.

“C’mon babe. I told you I basically wanted to ask for your hand in marriage from the get-go.”

Erin’s heart fluttered. “It was at the bar, after Rowan. When you gave that toast. You...looked at me during it. And then I knew. That I wanted you. Not just your body, but your mind and your heart. Everything.”

Holtzmann looked down. “That speech was hard for me.”

“I know it was sweetheart.”

Holtz looked back at Erin. “What if I told you I’ve never been this happy in my whole life?”

Erin smiled. “I’d tell you I feel the same way.”

Holtzmann beamed and kissed her. When they broke apart, she whispered. “Good night EG.”

“Good night Jillian.”

Holtzmann laid back, her arm still around Erin, their hands still locked together.

Before sleep overtook her, Erin smiled softly.  _ Pleasant dreams my lovable goofball. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take the time to say how much I've appreciated the kind comments and support I've received from you guys. I never thought anyone would want to read something I've written, much less actually enjoy it. So yeah, I'm overwhelmed. But I'm having so much fun writing these characters I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon.
> 
> There will be sequels to this because I've fallen in love with these versions of Erin and Holtzmann. Probably because I see a bit of myself in both of them. So keep a look out for that.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at geekmisconduct so stop by and see what a humungous dork I am.
> 
> <3
> 
> P.S. You can listen to the song that partially inspired this fic here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdqGj1u8Sto (don't laugh at my poor music choices)


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